I Am This Murim’s Crazy Bitch Chapter 9

Friend 6

A-Qing couldn’t let a baseless rumor ruin her friend’s chances at marriage.

She immediately launched a proactive offensive to prevent any future trouble.

“Oh, is that from personal experience?’ You sound very knowledgeable about matters of the heart.”

“Uh… It’s a story I heard from my uncle.”

“It’d be nice if things ended with a laugh like you said, but what if my friend already has someone she likes?”

“Huh?”

“Once words leave your mouth, you can’t take them back. If rumors spread, wouldn’t my friend lose the chance to meet the person he is meant to be with?”

“That’s…”

“What if my friend grows old alone and ugly, looking back on the past with regret, thinking, ‘If only Senior Brother hadn’t run his mouth back then, I wouldn’t be this lonely, with no wife or children, eating meals by myself’? How will you take responsibility for that?”

“Oh no! I apologize!”

Hwangbo Uncheok was completely crushed by A-Qing’s verbal assault.

“Little Brother! I apologize to you as well! My foolishness almost made you grow old and lonely!”

Peng Daesan tilted his head.

“Why do I feel offended even though I’m the one receiving an apology? And why does this feel like something that has happened before?”

“Brother Paeng, that’s called déjà vu. It’s when the upper dantian briefly glimpses a future possibility while breathing. It’s similar to the Buddhist Heavenly Eye, which can see future lives. By knowing the future and understanding past lives through Pūrvanivāsānusmṛti, one transcends it through Āsravakṣaya and enters the gates of the Three Types of Suffering, thereby freely controlling déjà vu…”

“I’m seriously going to lose my mind.”

Hearing a familiar topic, Jegal Ihyeon jumped into the conversation and began speaking at an inhuman speed.

Yeah, that was just like him.

At that moment, A-Qing suddenly stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna take a dump.”

Peng Daesan rubbed his forehead.

Was she actually insane?

“Oh my, she is quite the frank young lady!”

“…Can that really be called frank?”

“I am not sure!”

After A-Qing hopped away, Hwangbo Uncheok changed the subject.

“In any case, this is good news! Little Brother Peng, you are heading to Mount Hua, correct? Then we should travel together from now on!”

“Are you also going to Mount Hua, Brother Hwangbo?”

“Of course! Why else would I be here?”

The Hwangbo Clan was not one of the Five Noble Clans, but it was still counted among the Ten Noble Clans of the Central Plains.

That meant the opening of the Absolute Sword Wall was aimed at the Ten Noble Clans, not just the Five.

Why would Mount Hua seek the aid of the Ten Great Families?

Perhaps something unusual was happening in the Jianghu.

And behind the teahouse, something unusual was definitely happening.

***

One thing A-Qing could never accept in the Murim Central Plains was the outhouse.

Unfortunately, there was nothing A-Qing could do about it.

So what if she could not stand it?

It was not like she could fight an outhouse.

But she would not endure it forever.

Someday, when she became an unrivaled master and held the Jianghu in her grasp, she would carry on the legacy of Sim Jae-deok, former mayor of Suwon, founder of the Korea Toilet Association, and founder of the World Toilet Association, and modernize every outhouse in the Central Plains.

Her ambition was grand.

Her ambitions were grand, but they did nothing to solve the immediate crisis before her.

This was a matter of human dignity.

“Please be clean. Please, please…”

After all, a filthy outhouse could kill a person’s soul.

Truly.

A-Cheong steeled herself and grabbed the door.

That was when it happened.

“You.”

A-Qing turned around at the cold voice.

A beautiful woman who looked like a nasty bitch was pointing a finger at her. Two men with unpleasant faces stood beside her.

Perhaps they were actually kind people who had suffered because of their fierce appearances.

So instead of judging their faces, A-Qing checked their Karma.

Minus 498.

The two men beside her were minus 621 and minus 455.

Ah.

So she really was a rotten bitch.

As expected, you really could judge people by their looks!

The culmination of over two thousand years of statistics.

In modern terms, it was two thousand years of big data.

A-Qing never backed down from evil people.

Even if they happened to be beautiful.

But she was facing a greater crisis right now.

A crisis concerning the dignity of a human being.

The possibility that the outhouse might be filthy.

Before opening the door, the toilet existed in a state where cleanliness and filth coexisted simultaneously.

In other words, it was Schrödinger’s Shit.

A mixed state that would only settle into one reality once the observer confirmed it.

Humans have always wanted to influence uncertain outcomes.

Since ancient times, people have tried all sorts of ways to improve their luck. One of those ideas was the belief that good deeds would be rewarded with good fortune.

In modern times, the methodology had evolved into things like reading cryptocurrency charts to force a favorable future into reality.

Some people also performed gacha rituals while listening to sacred music in front of a game developer’s photo.

A-Qing, too, followed such methods.

If speaking kindly could somehow lead to a cleaner outhouse, then A-Qing could even show kindness to evil.

“If it’s only number one, you can go first.”

“What… what did you just say?”

“Number two is a no-go. Though if you’re really desperate and confident you can finish in quickly, then…”

The beautiful woman exploded.

“Do you have any idea who I am?!”

People could speak through expressions.

And A-Qing’s face said everything it needed to say.

How would I know who you are?

Instead of the woman herself, the man standing to her right answered.

“This lady is the noble daughter of the Black Shadow Association. She is someone a person like you should not even dare to meet eyes with.”

A-Qing let the words go in one ear and out the other.

If people weren’t allowed to meet her eyes, then she was either Medusa, a Gorgon, or Michael Jackson.

In fact, A-Qing was sure that if she made eye contact with Michael Jackson, she would faint like one of his fans from back then.

“Oh, I get it. You’re embarrassed to introduce yourself personally.”

“You little—!”

“My lady, please calm yourself. There’s no need for you to associate with someone like that. If a disturbance breaks out, the Young Master might hear about it.”

“Ahem, that is true. Nogal.”

The young lady of the Black Shadow Association gestured with her chin, perfectly playing the part of an evil noblewoman.

Nogal, the villain who had previously been standing on the right, tossed over a pouch.

The clear clink of coins rang out from inside.

It landed right at A-Qing’s feet, showing that this was clearly not his first time throwing money at someone like this.

“Take that and disappear quietly.”

A-Cheong immediately picked it up and checked inside.

Among the silver coins, there was exactly one deep yellow coin.

A smile spread across her lips.

Oh my, to think they would throw an entire money pouch just to make her give up the outhouse. Was this the generosity of the wealthy?

Of course, it probably was not only for giving up her turn.

It must have also included hush money.

After all, it would be a little embarrassing for a noble young lady to be seen using an outhouse. No, very embarrassing.

Or perhaps she simply suffered from severe constipation.

“Oh my, oh my. I apologize for failing to recognize such a noble lady. I saw nothing. Please take care of yourself, my Lady.”

A-Qing bowed deeply and stepped away.

This was what it truly meant to return in triumph.

A-Qing puffed out her grand chest, wore a bright smile, and proudly walked back.

All three men looked away.

After all, they knew where A-Qing had just returned from.

A-Qing, however, interpreted their avoidance differently.

Since it was a group of men, they must have been sharing some interesting dirty stories.

A-Qing liked dirty conversations too.

How could they discuss something so important without her?

However, she understood that such topics could be awkward to share with someone they were not close to.

 

Even if she felt a little hurt about being left out, she simply had to endure it.

Instead, A-Qing proudly showed them the money pouch.

She even opened it to show them what was inside.

When Peng Daesan peeked inside, he saw that it was not much.

For an heir of one of the Five Noble Clans, it was not even a day’s allowance.

Seeing her act so proud over such a small amount was a little adora…

Suddenly, a chill ran down Peng Daesan’s spine.

What was that just now?

While Peng Daesan was confronting some kind of cosmic horror, A-Qing proudly declared,

“Look at this. I just made some money.”

“Wait, Elder Sister.”

“Elder Sister?”

“If you are Brother Peng’s friend, then would that not make you my elder sister?”

The title “Elder Sister” felt strangely unfamiliar.

But it was definitely better than being called Young Lady.

Ooooh. Then I’ll speak casually, okay?”

“Of course. But how did you manage to earn that much money in the lavatory?”

“Someone just gave it to me. They were in a hurry to use the outhouse, so they asked me to give up my turn. They even offered money for it, so how could I refuse? I’ll just go again later.”

“Oh my, oh my. Just how desperate must they have been to do that…”

Jegal Ihyeon’s voice trailed off.

Even for him, a precious child of the Jegal Clan, it was a small amount, barely enough to count as a day’s allowance.

Still, it was a lot of money for giving up one turn at the lavatory.

Well, income and understanding the value of money were two different things.

At that moment, young Hwangbo Uncheok joined the conversation.

“Young Lady, taking advantage of someone’s urgent situation for personal gain is not proper.”

“But she was a noble lady from a very rich family, wasn’t she? I’m the one in desperate circumstances here. Me. This body right here. I don’t have any money, so I’m surviving purely on my friend’s kindness.”

“Even if they are wealthy, is it not still wrong to take unfair advantage of them?”

“Come on.

How could wealth not matter here? Alright then, Little Supreme Justice, let me ask you something. Suppose, just suppose, you were about to shit yourself. How would you feel?”

“Well, that is…”

“What if it really happened, Little Supreme Justice? How would the world look at you after you shat your pants? Of course, no one would say it to your face, but wouldn’t they laugh behind your back? Even if it happened to the Little Supreme Justice himself? And because of you, other righteous people might be mocked too, you know?”

“Uh, that…”

“Social status aside, shitting your pants is serious, permanent damage. It is a stain that might never disappear for the rest of your life, don’t you think?”

“That does seem to be the ca…”

“I consider it social death. Have you not heard the saying that a person does not truly die when their life ends, but when their name is forgotten? Wouldn’t being remembered as ‘Pooper’ or ‘Shitter’ be a shameful fate worse than death?”

“That is certainly tru…”

“So, basically, I protected something even more precious than that person’s life. I protected the value of their life. And the gratitude they gave me for that was only one gold piece? In that case, couldn’t you say I’m the one who was treated unfairly?”

“One gold piece does seem a little…”

“But in a moment of life-threatening urgency, people can make mistakes. And since they gave me the whole pouch, that must mean they gave me everything they had, right? So it would be wrong of me to complain and say, ‘How dare they give me so little?’ Wouldn’t it?”

A-Qing fired off her words without pause.

Hwangbo Uncheok listened with a serious face, then responded.

“Truly! Your generosity is as vast as the sea, Young Lady! I have made yet another grave mistake!”

Jegal Ihyeon, who was sitting beside him, also expressed his admiration.

“Amazing, Elder Sister! You take complete nonsense and, through wild leaps of logic, turn it into something that sounds like obvious truth! And while doing so, you naturally raise your own position through this strange narrative! It is unpredictable and ever-changing! That was a brilliant debate that has reached the level of Flowered Tree Grafting!”

Even before her military service, A-Qing had been famous for her ability to read people.

It was a supreme art: observing her opponent, poking and prodding them little by little, and determining exactly how far she could push things before they snapped.

She was a giant among men.

Even as a mere private, she had been able to casually joke and laugh with Corporal Kim, the squad’s disciplinarian, a man famous for his temper and terrible personality.

And now, that same giant stood tall in the room.

“Elder Sister? Why are you suddenly standing up?”

“What do you mean why? I obviously still have unfinished business.”

“Ah.”

Jegal Ihyeon’s face turned bright red.

A-Qing then left through the back door of the teahouse.

The timing could not have been more perfect, because she ran straight into the person she was grateful to.

But the woman pointed a trembling finger at her.

“You, you bitch! How dare you mock me?”

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