Surviving game as a barbarian Episode 581
Opening the Door (2)
Suddenly, my mind went blank.
Even when I woke up in the body of a barbarian and had to undergo a coming-of-age ceremony without knowing my own name, my brain still worked just fine. But now it refused to form a coherent thought, as if drunk.
A brief silence stretched between us.
“…….”
Misha looked up at me, her eyes filled with a mixture of fear and hope. Unable to bear her gaze, I opened my mouth.
“…I see.”
It was a meaningless mutter, neither accepting, refusing, nor questioning her.
After such a long silence, all I could muster was a measly “I see.” It had been a while since I’d felt so utterly pathetic.
Still, thanks to that, my brain finally began working again.
‘Yes’ and ‘No.’
First of all, what I need to do right now isn’t to choose between those two.
If what Misha just said is true—
No, given that Misplaced Trust is active, it must be true. But that only makes it more confusing.
“Then.”
“……Huh?”
“Then… why did you push me away back then?”
It was a question I’d held in my heart for a long time.
Why had Misha rejected me that day? At the time, I could convince myself that she just didn’t like me that way. But now, judging from what she said, that didn’t seem to be the case.
“Ah… that…”
The answer to my question came from Misha herself.
“It’s because… I found out you were an Evil Spirit… no, wait… a Player……”
“A Player……?”
I tilted my head in confusion, and Misha hesitantly asked,
“I heard… you don’t like being called an evil spirit. Is that true?”
Well, I’d never really thought about it, but Player definitely sounds better than Evil Spirit.
But did she hear that from Lee Baek-ho?
If so, for some reason, that just irritates me even more.
“I-I’ll stop if you don’t like it… Sorry……”.”
I steered the conversation back on track and said.
“…Never mind that. What does finding out I was an Evil Spirit have to do with anything? Did you… think that, regardless of your feelings, you couldn’t be with an Evil Spirit?”
I tried my best to suppress my emotions as I spoke, but maybe something slipped through.
Misha flinched and shouted in panic.
“N-No, that’s not it, Bjorrrn!”
She was so flustered that she even slipped back into her old way of speaking.
Misha seemed surprised and a little embarrassed for raising her voice, averting her eyes as she spoke.
“It’s just… it was hard to watch… watching you get weaker because of me…”
“You’ll need to explain that more.”
When I asked for details, Misha started explaining in a flustered and disorganized voice.
To summarize, it was a simple story.
“You thought I went as far as swapping appearances with Karon and fulfilling my ‘duty’ because of you—and that none of it was for my own benefit and that it might expose my identity someday?”
“Mhm……”.”
Misha hung her head like a scolded student, but her eyes remained fixed on me.
“But… did I maybe… misunderstand?”
Sigh. What was I supposed to say to that?
Strictly speaking, it was the GM who made me switch faces with Karon that day. I needed an alibi to avoid arousing suspicion as an evil spirit.
Still…
‘She’s not wrong.’
Hah, how should I even answer that?
I’ve never fulfilled my “duties” at the sanctuary. The first reason was my discomfort as a modern man. The second reason was Misha.
Somehow, it felt like committing a grave sin. That’s why I couldn’t do it.
“So it wasn’t a misunderstanding… That’s a relief…”
As if reading the answer in my expression, Misha let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, I checked the Misplaced Trust—there wasn’t much time left.
It felt meaningless to confirm this so late…
But even if it came off as cowardly, I wanted to clear up any remaining doubts.
“So that’s all?”
“Huh…?”
“I mean, maybe there’s more to why you pushed me away….”
I trailed off, glancing at her, and Misha flinched.
Ah, so there is more.
When I silently urged her to continue, Misha finally spoke, her face burning red.
“Well… you know……”.”
“…….”
“I… can’t have children……”.”
For a moment, my mind went blank.
Not even an ogre hit in the head with a tree would look this shocked.
“Children……?”
“D-Don’t get the wrong idea! It’s not that I can’t have them, just that… any child I bear wouldn’t be a barbarian……”.”
I understood what she meant intellectually.
It was a racial characteristic of the barbarians.
Only female barbarians could give birth to barbarians.
But while I grasped the meaning, I still didn’t understand.
“What does it matter whether my child is a barbarian or not?”
The absurdity of the question was evident in my tone, and Misha flinched.
“Huh……? It… doesn’t matter?”
Of course it doesn’t.
I’m not even a real barbarian to begin with.
Whether my child is a barbarian or a Red cat member, I’d love them all the same.
But Misha couldn’t easily believe my words.
“You’re lying… Don’t all men care about that……?”
Well, given the world she grew up in, that might be a natural assumption.
But.
“The world I come from is different.”
“But… you’re a noble now too, right…? People will definitely talk, they’ll say—”
“Enough.”
I cut her off there.
It was already awkward enough to be talking about children, and the whole thing was just embarrassing.
“Let’s drop this topic.”
“Ah… Mhm……. R-Right… It’s not like you still… l-like me or anything……”.”
“To be precise, I haven’t given my answer yet.”
“……Then? What’s… your answer?”
“Before that, one last thing.”
I checked the remaining time on Misplaced Trust and spoke.
“Is there anything else you’re hiding from me?”
Misha answered without hesitation, her voice laced with relief.
“No.”
So this really was everything.
It’s almost laughable how I kept doubting her, convinced that she was hiding something.
Click.
The hand of the Misplaced Trust reached the end, and the glow faded.
“So… will you give me your answer now?”
For some reason, I found it hard to meet her eyes.
Misha was staring at me as though nothing in the world mattered more than my reply.
‘I have to answer…’
Misplaced trust was deactivated.
Even if it were still active, it wouldn’t have made much difference to me.
“My answer is…”
I told her the truth in my heart.
***
It felt like she’d been cursed—and not just by any spell, but something truly sinister.
[Bjorn… I like you too.]
[Bjorn… I like you too.]
[Bjorn… I like you too.]
Even after pouring cold water on her head and slamming her helmeted head against the wall, that voice kept echoing in her ears. And that last thing Bjorn said.
[……I see.]
It wasn’t a yes.
But it wasn’t a no either.
But, Erwin sensed something in that voice—relief. If she was right, then in that moment, Bjorn had been relieved.
Relieved at the answer from that ungrateful woman, Misha Karlstein.
“……………….”
What happened between them after that?
What did “I see” really mean?
No matter how much Erwin thought about it, she wouldn’t know.
She had fled the moment she heard Bjorn’s voice from inside the room.
“……………….”
Why had she done that?
Why had she run instead of staying to listen?
Even though she regretted it now, she wasn’t sure she’d act any differently if she could go back to that moment.
Because she was still afraid.
Because the moment she heard the truth, it felt like something irreversible and terrifying would happen.
“Erwin Fornacci di Tersia.”
That’s why she hadn’t gone straight to Bjorn to confront him. Instead, after spiraling into her own thoughts and wandering aimlessly, she ended up running here
“How long are you going to keep this up?”
Amelia Rainwales.
A plunderer from Noark who, after conecting with Bjorn, had taken on a new life as Emily Raines.
“If you’ve got something on your mind, just say it. I’ll listen if you want me to.”
“……Never mind.”
Erwin eventually turned to leave, and Amelia didn’t stop her, simply telling her to come back when she felt like talking.
But Erwin had no intention of returning.
She had only come today because she had lost her mind for a moment and ended up here by chance.
“…….”
Erwin returned to her own room, alone with her pain. Eventually, she came to a decision.
No way.
There’s no way Bjorn would get involved with that Red Cat tribe woman.
Impossible.
What did that woman have that Erwin didn’t?
Once she came to that conclusion, her heart felt lighter, and she found the strength to leave her room again.
But…
“Huh…?”
As she came downstairs to the first floor, she saw two people chatting warmly over a meal.
“Agh… Stop laughing! You’re the one who asked me to make it! It’s been a while, so of course I’d mess up a little… And we don’t even have the right ingredients in this damn labyrinth… But… is it too salty?”
“Don’t worry. It’s delicious enough.”
It seemed like she’d made him some kind of nostalgic dish.
While Erwin stood on the stairs, dazed, Misha looked up and their eyes met.
“Ah, Erwin…”
Caught in that awkward moment, Misha began spooning food onto a plate.
“If you haven’t eaten yet, would you like some? I… made a lot, so there’s leftovers…”
That gesture reminded Erwin of an old memory.
“Ah! If it’s because of that iron helmet, take it back to your room and-.”
“I don’t need it.”
Erwin cut her off coldly and went back upstairs. Resisting the urge to hurl the plate across the room was already more than enough self-control.
Clunk.
Once upstairs, Erwin opened Amelia’s door and stepped inside. Amelia looked puzzled at her sudden return, but that wasn’t important right now.
“Amelia Rainwales.”
Erwin used her full name, something she rarely did.
That time when she left Bjorn’s side to learn under her “sister.”
Back when that red cat woman had acted like the lady of the house, treating her like an unwelcome guest.
“…I need your help.”
She could never go back to those days.
***
After Erwin disappeared back up the stairs, Misha looked at me with concern.
“Um… is she going to be okay……?”
“I’ll talk to Erwin later, so don’t worry about it. And… you did well.”
“…Huh?”
“I mean offering her food. Even knowing she dislikes you, that’s not easy.”
“O-Oh… it’s nothing. We can’t go on like this forever… We’ll be living together after all…”
Misha scratched the table awkwardly, but to me, even that looked admirable.
I had just told her not to isolate herself and try to get along with the other clan members—and she was already trying.
That said, things had gotten a little awkward between us.
“…….”
“…….”
The silence was far from natural, but it wasn’t uncomfortable either. In that quiet, I recalled the final exchange between Misha and me.
Even now, it feels a little pathetic, but my answer back then had been “I don’t know.”
[You… don’t know? What’s that supposed to mean?]
It’s definitely not that I dislike her.
The remnants of the feelings I once had were still there.
But that’s all they were—remnants.
[It’s been a long time since then…]
Since that day, I’d tried countless times to let go of my feelings for Misha—and I’d succeeded.
I didn’t know what would happen going forward, but right now, my feelings were more like a comrade’s than anything romantic.
Amelia, Erwin, Aynar, Raven…
If any of them were in Misha’s place, I’d have reacted the same.
Anyway, that wasn’t the important part.
[Ha, haha… W-Well, I guess it can’t be helped…]
After hearing my honest feelings, Misha looked hurt but accepted it with maturity.
[Still… we can be friends, right?]
[Huh?]
[Right? I mean… we started out as friends, didn’t we…?]
[Y-Yeah…]
For the record, my brilliant response back then was a stuttered “Y-Yeah, sure.”
Even now, I cringe just thinking about it.
But what could I do?
It was already in the past.
“You finished your food? Want some more?”
Just as I emptied the plate in silence, Versil appeared.
“Mr. Jandel, you were here? I’ve been looking for you.”
Having apparently been out since morning, she delivered a message from the front door.
“Count Saint-Red has summoned you. It seems the research on the dimensional stone is finally complete. He’s asked you to come.”
“‘Complete’…? Does that mean they’ve figured something out?”
“I’m not sure, but it sounds like they failed.”
“I see… Well, we’ll find out when we get there. I’ll be back.”
“Mhm… Take care.”
As I stood up, Misha bid me farewell, and Versil tilted her head curiously.
“You two……”
“Got something to say?”
“…No. Nothing at all.”
I smirked at Versil’s words.
Yeah, right. Nothing at all.
“When you get back, can we talk for a bit?”
“Sure.”
I already had a good idea what she wanted to discuss.
She’d probably bring up concerns about Misha, and the incident on the community board yesterday.
I can tell her then that she doesn’t need to worry anymore…
When I arrived at the mansion with the dimensional stone, the village chief was already waiting for me on the first floor.
“You’re here.”
“Skip the greetings. Get to the point.”
I pressed him to speak, and he explained that their ten-day study of the stone had failed and that we would leave the village today.
“Today, already…?”
“I held out some hope, but since it’s a complete failure, there’s no point wasting any more time.”
Well, fair enough.
I hadn’t expected we’d end up resting this long in the first place.
“So I’d like to hear your opinion. I have no intention of interfering with your expedition. Where would you like to go next?”
Unintentionally, we’ve rested long enough.
It was time to set out on the journey again.
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