Surviving game as a barbarian Episode 580

Opening the Door (1)

Has there ever been—

Has there ever been anyone in this world who lived their entire life without making a single mistake?

Misha Karlstein didn’t think so.

Even the greatest saints must have made mistakes at least once in their lives. Even with the best intentions, things could go awry and lead to terrible outcomes.

Surely they must have hurt someone at some point, too.

Yeah, that’s right. So it can’t be helped.

If even those incredible people made mistakes, then of course someone like me—a loser—would be no exception.

“…Me.”

Misha Kalstein muttered quietly to herself.

“What the hell am I even doing…?”

It had become her daily routine for the past few days.

If she had been out fighting monsters, it might have been different.

But being cooped up alone in her room left her with little to do.

She wanted to live like a corpse, devoid of thought, but that wasn’t something she could just choose to do.

So, throughout the long days, she thought. And thought.

Her thoughts varied, but they always circled back to the same place.

Sometimes she resented others. Sometimes she loathed herself. And sometimes, like today, she tried to justify her actions.

Ah, but of course, the conclusion was always the same.

“I should leave.”

Leave Clan Anabada.

Has there ever been—

No, she wasn’t even an official member to begin with. That made it all the easier.

So, after this expedition was over and they returned to the city, she would leave. She would disappear from Bjorn Jandel’s side and never show herself again.

He would want that, too.

After hundreds of deliberations, she had reached the same conclusion.

The moment she made that decision, Misha Karlstein hunched over and clutched her chest with both hands.

He would… surely want that too.

A conclusion she’d reached after hundreds of agonized reflections.

And once again arriving at that same conclusion, Misha curled up and clutched her chest.

“Ah…”

It hurt.

Her chest felt tight. She could barely breathe. It went beyond discomfort—it truly hurt.

She even thought that if she drove something sharp into her chest, maybe the pain would ease.

But she couldn’t bring herself to act on that thought.

It wasn’t because she lacked courage.

It was because she knew.

‘That’s not okay…’

He wouldn’t want that kind of ending.

All their memories would turn into nightmares that would haunt him.

‘Dwalki…’

Suddenly, he came to mind.

The noble mage who had sacrificed himself to save everyone in the labyrinth. Misha knew how he had felt about her.

She hadn’t known at first. It was only after he had left her side that she learned the truth from the dwarf warrior Hikurod Murad.

He had secretly harbored feelings for her…

At first, she couldn’t believe it. If he had truly felt that way, why had he hidden it from her?

Even until the very last moment?

She couldn’t understand.

If it had been her, she wouldn’t have missed the last chance to confess.

But when she asked that question, Hikurod answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

[Isn’t it obvious what he was thinking? He didn’t want to be remembered as a dark shadow.]

She thought the explanation was too vague and confusing. If only because she believed it was what Dwalkie would have wanted.

But even at the time, she couldn’t make full sense of his logic.

At least… until today.

“So… this is how it feels…”

Strictly speaking, she and Dwalki were different.

He had given his life to save everyone. She was just struggling under the weight of her mistakes, trying to run away.

If they weren’t still trapped in the labyrinth…

If she hadn’t held onto the faint hope that he might forgive her…

She probably would have run already—

Knock knock knock.

Just then, a voice came from beyond the firmly closed door.

“It’s me, Misha. Can we talk for a moment?”

It was Bjorn.

At the sound of his voice, conflicting emotions of joy and fear surged through her. But she forced herself to calm down and get to work.

She couldn’t let him see her like this.

She washed her face, ran her hands through her hair, and quickly tidied up her messy room.

Thankfully, since she hadn’t done much lately, there wasn’t much to clean.

“May I come in?”

The door opened, and he stepped inside after a long time apart.

Her heart fluttered.

Thump.

Why had Bjorn come?

Just to check on her?

Did her room smell strange?

Until just a moment ago, she’d been withering like a dead flower in the dark. But somehow, the moment he appeared, her body felt alive again.

“Before we talk, I’d like to turn this on first. Will you allow it?”

It would’ve been easier if he’d just come to check on her face, to say something trivial. But the moment he entered, Bjorn got straight to the point.

In his thick hand was an object she knew well.

Misplaced Trust.

The name itself seemed to mirror their relationship now, and it made her heart ache.

But she also felt a sense of hope.

This was a chance.

The man who had coldly turned away from her that day was giving her a chance.

A golden chance to undo all her mistakes and return to how things were.

…And maybe Bjorn, too, deep down, wanted to go back.

“Alright… Go ahead. Let’s start.”

Misha had no intention of missing this chance.

How had things even come to this?

Whatever Bjorn asked, she would answer truthfully.

Clenching her fists with determination, his questions began.

“After I disappeared on Farune Island, how did you end up going with Lee Baek-ho?”

He started with something he’d already asked before. Then followed it with yes-or-no questions. Misha answered them all honestly.

The current Bjorn reminded her of a watchmaker she had once seen.

Like a watchmaker who disassembled every part of a broken clock to find the cause, Bjorn was checking every little detail.

“Lee Baek-ho… did he ever do anything bad to you?”

“Bad…?”

“Like… laying a hand on you or something…”

“…N-No! Nothing like that! I swear!”

A question that made her feel both wronged and strangely happy—but that wasn’t the point.

“Did you really not know that using the Stone of Resurrection would make you lose your memories?”

“I didn’t know…”

“Then why did you hide it from me?”

Like I said back then… he told me something bad would happen to you if you found out…

That was the part where Bjorn’s emotions had flared up that day.

He had been furious, asking if she had hidden it just because she believed Lee Baek-ho’s words.

The memory flashed in Misha’s mind, and before Bjorn could say anything else, she quickly blurted out:

“I-I thought it was better to be safe than sorry!”

“…Better safe than sorry?”

“B-Back then, I didn’t know about the memory loss… No, even if I had known, it wouldn’t have changed anything! It was still better than you dying…!”

“So you believed him just like that?”

“…Lee Baek-ho, he’s strong. And seriously messed up in the head.”

That was the real reason she had accepted Lee Baek-ho’s offer.

If she refused, there was no telling what that bastard might do. Maybe the “something bad” he mentioned was referring to that.

So she took the Stone of Resurrection and returned to Bjorn. After all, having an item that could revive someone she loved couldn’t be a bad thing.

But…

“Sigh… So that’s everything?”

There was still one more thing she hadn’t said.

How was she supposed to bring it up?

Would saying it truly be the end of everything?

She didn’t know. Misha clenched her eyes shut and spoke.

“I agreed to give him information in exchange for the Stone of Resurrection.”

“…Information?”

“He told me to keep an eye on you…”

Misha cracked one eye open slightly to check Bjorn’s expression. For now, he looked more bewildered than angry.

“D-Don’t get the wrong idea! I haven’t given him anything yet! We haven’t even met since that day!”

“If he had come to you, what would you have done?”

“…I don’t know. I thought I’d just give him some basic info and figure things out later.”

She felt like she was making excuses, so she quickly added,

“But… I probably would’ve given him the information. But just meaningless stuff anyone could know…!”

“Hmm…”

Bjorn sighed and rubbed his chin.

Thankfully, he didn’t seem furious.

He nodded a few times and continued.

And after who knows how long—

“This is the last question.”

Bjorn looked into her eyes.

“Is there anything else you’re hiding from me?”

A question that covered everything.

No.

She had confessed everything.

That’s what she should have said, but for some reason, her lips trembled without making a sound.

“…….”

The atmosphere, which had been slowly healing, suddenly grew heavy with an indescribable silence.

Bjorn muttered just two words.

“I see…”

“So there is.”

It was a resigned murmur, as if he had braced himself for it.

Panicking, Misha tried to speak.

No.

I’ve told you everything.

There’s nothing else I’m hiding.

That’s what she wanted to say, but her lips wouldn’t part.

Why? Had Misplaced Trust been broken? Missha, who no longer had anything to hide, was completely confused—but then…

But then…

‘Ah…’

She realized.

Misaplaced Trust was working perfectly. It wasn’t broken—it was functioning exactly as it should.

The reason she couldn’t speak was simple.

There was still something she wanted to hide from him.

“Can’t… say it?”

In the suffocating silence, Bjorn spoke again.

“Is it something you can’t tell me?”

She sensed it instinctively.

If she stayed silent now, everything would be over.

“…I-I’m not hiding anything else about Lee Baek-ho.”

“Then?”

Bjorn’s gaze still held a sliver of expectation, as if he wasn’t ready to give up on her yet. Misha took a deep breath.

“So you’re hiding something unrelated?”

“…Yeah.”

She nodded, even though her head was full of hesitation.

Could she really say it?

So many better people had entered his life now.

He’d made promises with them…

Maybe it would be better for Bjorn if she just disappeared.

“I…”

But her mouth moved on its own.

The lips that had refused to budge just moments ago now parted, spilling out the regret-laden truth she had kept buried for so long.

“I lied to you before.”

“…?”

At the word lied, Bjorn’s eyebrows twitched.

Now that she thought about it, he had always been like this.

He hated being deceived more than anything.

Especially now—when everything had to be laid bare.

So…

This isn’t cowardice.

Erasing even her last lingering attachment, she continued.

She had tried to kill her feelings back on Farune Island, but the thought that he might die at any moment made her want to confess.

“When I said it would be better if we just stayed as comrades…”

Well, somehow, it had taken this long for her to finally say it.

“That was a lie.”

They say the best time to do something is when you think it’s too late.

“Come to think of it… I never gave you a proper answer back then, did I?”

Misha lifted her head, meeting his eyes, and spoke as clearly as she could.

“Bjorn Jandel. I… like you too.”

The words she hadn’t been able to say when she first realized his feelings.

No answer came.

But she kept speaking.

“I felt that way when you first told me.”

“I felt that way even before you said anything.”

“And…”

In a voice as quiet as an ant’s footsteps, but as clear as day, she finished.

“I still do now…”

That was the only thing she had been hiding from him.

***
Sometimes, you wake up with a strange feeling in your chest.

It’s bright and sunny—but it feels like a storm might break out at any moment.

For Erwin, today was one of those days.

“Mister! Are you… up—huh?”

She had run over excitedly early in the morning, only to find his room empty.

From that moment on, a sense of dread settled in her.

She searched the building, but Bjorn was nowhere to be found.

“The captain? Hmm… He didn’t say anything. He should be in the buliding…”

“Really? I’ve checked all the rooms…”

“Maybe he stepped out for a bit?”

Auyen Rocklob, Anabada’s sailor, tried to reassure her, but Erwin’s lips felt parched.

There was still one room she hadn’t checked.

Misha Karlstein.

The reason she hadn’t checked was simple.

Because she didn’t think Bjorn would be there. Especially since something had felt off between them lately.

Misha had been isolating herself in her room, and during the rare clan meetings she attended, she always seemed upset.

But something felt inexplicably wrong.

Thud, thud.

Even though she was certain Bjorn wouldn’t be there, her feet carried her there anyway.

Logically, it made more sense that he had stepped out for an errand, as Auen suggested.

So why did this ominous feeling keep growing?

Thud.

Amid those uneasy thoughts, Erwin finally arrived at her destination, a room tucked into the far corner of the building’s third floor. The door was firmly shut.

She considered knocking, but if Björn wasn’t there, it would just be awkward.

‘I can’t sense any mana.’

There were no voice isolation magic or barrier.

Meaning, if she wanted, she could hear everything happening inside

Erwin typically held back her sharp sense of hearing, but now she let it take over.

And in that instant—

“Bjorn Jandel. I… like you too.”

A familiar voice reached her ears.

She instantly recognized who it was, but couldn’t make sense of the words.

What… did she just say?

Thinking she might’ve misheard, she focused even more intently.

“I felt that way when you first told me.”

“I felt that way even before you said anything.”

“And… I still do now…”

Her mind still refused to process it.

Because wasn’t this… a love confession?

Something she herself had never done before…

‘Who does she think she is…?’

It was absurd. Infuriating.

Wasn’t this the same woman who had vanished without a trace the moment she heard Bjorn had died, instead of seeking revenge?

The ever-kind and naive Bjorn might have taken her back out of sentimentality, but Erwin hadn’t forgotten.

But…

[Bjorn Jandel. I… like you too.]

That first sentence kept echoing in her mind.

It was only then that Erwin noticed something odd.

‘“Too”…?’

The beast woman from the Red Cat Tribe had said she liked him too.

And “me too” is something you say when you’re agreeing with what someone else just said.

Which meant…

“…Mister said it first?”

Was it because the idea was so unbelievable?

The heat that had been boiling in her head instantly cooled.

And with that heat gone, she could finally see the situation more objectively.

For some reason, she let out a small laugh.

Pfft.

It was all just that woman’s delusion.

 

Caught up in fantasy, imagining a conversation with him.

The proof? Since that statement, not a single word had come from the room.

“Still… kind of pitiful, I guess.”

It was the kind of behavior most people would struggle to understand, but Erwin had done something similar before when she was going through a hard time. So in a way, she could relate—just a little.

Sigh… So where did Mister go, then…?

Feeling like she had overheard something she shouldn’t have, Erwin turned away. She was about to dial her heightened hearing back to normal—

No, more accurately, she was about to.

“…I see.”

A familiar voice reached her ears from inside the room.

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